I recently returned from two weeks away at youth camps of a couple of different churches and it was awesome! The 1st church I actually led the music for the week and it was incredibly powerful to watch teens worship Jesus and get to know them and their stories. Jesus was the last thing I had on my mind at that age, (much props!) and I still find it a bit bizarre that a youth pastor would let me lead worship for their students but nevertheless ...

The second camp was one of those "out of the blue" opportunities that I knew was a God moment simply because I couldn't afford to go. My good friend Daniel at Knox Calvary Church called me and said "we have an exta seat that's already paid for if you would go with us to Daytona Beach for the "Big Stuf" camp". Three of my favorite pastors were speaking and although I was covered up with commitments, I knew I needed to go. I got much more than a free trip to the beach. I got a spiritual recharge and a very valuable lesson.Very simply,God revealed to me "you can't give what u ain't got". The people who know me know what a busy guy I am. I've always got 50 irons in the fire and I love it, I love to share with people, build people up, help people BUT I get so busy doing "good things" that I often don't do "the best thing"! the best thing being spending time reading thru God's word and praying and getting to know Him. If I say I have a relationship with anyone then I will be involved in their lives, spend time with them, right? Same is true with God, he designed us and knows we function best, if I live life without him as the principal source of input/advice then all my decisons are just guesswork. There are even Biblical accounts of Jesus making time to get awat and to be refueled. If he needed it, how much more do we? Make the time, it will make a difference!

A Change of Heart

It's been almost a year since I first "stepped out on faith" and left my full time day time job. My thoughts at the time were a bit mixed. I was definately ready to move on but quite unsure of what the future held. In my mind I secretly hoped it was God movingme into full time music, that was what I considered to be the desire of my heart. Overthe past year He has opened up many doors and created many opportunities for meto share music with all kinds of folks. Something has happened along the way thoughthat has shifted the focus of my hearts desire. I now desire relationship above everything else. Don't get me wrong, I still love music but I think it's just a different kind of love, a healthier, more balanced type. I desire relationships with people and many times over the past few years music has created a barrier for true relationships in my life. (If u have ever been to a DWB show, U know what I mean) I would probably go so far as to say it created a barrier between me and God. It was what I considered to be my connection to God but now, it's just a little different. In fact many of my favorite people in the world I spend the least amount of time with, my bandmates. Sure we hit the stage together most every weekend but during the week real life happens and I miss out on that more times than not. I feel a shift happening, a true heart change and I hope it doesn't stop. After all music was supposed to be a way I could connect with people and I pray that it's just that, a tool to connect me to real relationships with real people.....

Ministry: Too Busy for Jesus?

It’s been almost 1 year since I stepped out into full time music ministry, wow! where does the time go? I gotta say it looks nothing like I thought it would. In a years time I’ve gotten to be a part of some amazing events, meet some incredible people and see God move in unmistakable ways. As a custodian I had these dreams/preconceptions that full time music ministry was gonna be ideal for creativity and relationships. I thought with all the spare time I was gonna have I would "get some things done!" It’s been a learning process. I’ve learned that I can stay busy and busy is not always good nor do I think busy is necessarily what God intended. If it’s all about relationships then busy is the opposite of what I believe God wants. I’ve missed it a few times in the past year. Trading personal relationships for a full calendar and then feeling empty when it’s all said and done. Now that I’ve typed it out and come to that realization the time has come to do something about it. Busy in not good for relationships, especially the one with my heavenly father. I mean it’s almost ridiculous to read as I type and I think, "How did I miss it?" Think about that, how can someone set out into full time ministry and spend LESS time with the God they claim to serve? I can’t answer that question but I am guilty, guilty, guilty! I don’t know how it happens but all I can point to is a ridiculously full calendar of social events, meetings and gigs that have edged God out a little bit. I talked with a friend recently and he used a word that has echoed in my head over and over again, "Intentional". I hope it doesn’t get picked up by all the latest Christian speakers and shoved in the same sentence with committees, conversions, doctrine, corporate and all those other words that seem to have little to do with Jesus. Intentional, I have to clear out time, intentionally to spend with Jesus because full time Christian ministry has helped me push him to the side. I wanna encourage anyone today who might feel overwhelmed. Jesus said that HIS yoke is easy and HIS burden is light. I think I may have picked up the wrong yoke. Lord, HELP me!

To The Loud and Out of Tune Kid

Ok, so it’s been a while since I have updated this. I will try harder but I’ve been so freakin’ busy! I always tell everyone “I’m the busiest unemployed guy I know!” and it’s true. This spring has brought a number of welcomed changes and unexpected opportunities musically and otherwise. I’ve played a handful of solo-acoustic dates and these have helped to make ends meet financially but have definitely stretched me some musically. I am constantly having to learn new songs to keep it fresh. With a band I could get buy playing 15-20 songs in a 2 hour show but for a solo acoustic gig I have to at least double that, WHEW, that’s a lot of songs! I’m not complaining though because every time I dive into learning songs a creative period usually follows, I hope this is the case this time.
Since the last time I have updated I also have been learning to lead worship with all my friends at Knoxlife Church. It’s been an amazing journey thus far but at one point I almost let doubt talk me out of doing it. The truth is, I prayed about it, agonized about it, sought wise council(some wasn’t so wise) but ultimately I knew God had opened a door of opportunity and I wasn’t supposed to be the one to shut the door he opened. See, I’ve told friends for years that worship leading wasn’t for me or better termed it wasn’t something I felt called to. My short experience with leading worship for churches was frustrating because of a number of reasons but ultimately it was me listening to the wrong voices. The voices were telling me “no church in their right mind would have a person who sings in bars and clubs and performs at weddings, leading worship is for Holy People(whatever that means)” The voices also said “U don’t sound like Chris Tomlin” But here’s the deal I am in no way saying that God told me this but it’s a hunch, if u will. For years and years I have been mastering the art of performing using the natural ability God has given me to connect with people. I didn’t go to school for it, never read any books on it or took lessons and I’m not bragging but it’s just something I am good at. God gives us all things we are good at! Anywayz it occurred to me that if I had never played a tough room( and what I mean by tough room is playing to nobody or a room full of people with their arms crossed who in no way want u there) then I wouldn’t have been ready to lead worship. Geez, I know worship is not about performing but it’s like people are scared to let go and praise THE LIVING GOD because they are scared of what people will think if they do.
Kids have the best idea of praise of anyone I have ever seen. They don’t hold anything back, it doesn’t matter if they can sing or if they look silly, they just do it! I love the one kid who is always WAY louder than the other kids and REALLY out of key(y’all know who I’m talking about) Anywayz, back to my point, years of learning to engage people who would otherwise not want to be engaged prepared me for this phase of my journey. It has helped me develop thicker skin(notice I said thicker, I’m still a bit sensitive). All my experience including singing in bars and at weddings is being used for HIS purposes. I couldn’t have planned it, trained for it, listened to a podcast or whatever. Nothing could prepare me for this phase except God and he’s been doing it all along. He didn’t wait for me to “surrender to his call” to train me for it, He’s been training me all along so that when I finally began to see myself in the way that he sees me I would know it was Him all along! He says he will NEVER leave us or forsake us, hmmm. In any event I guess to sum all this up and encourage you that God has U in training for something he wants U to do. Even if U think u have landed in “your calling” he’s still at work, molding and shaping us all. He’s gonna use the sum of ALL of our experiences for HIS glory. As for me, I am gonna go back to the playground today and be the loudest out of tune kid there! U can join me if u want but I’ll be making a joyful noise anyhow!

The Cost of a Dream

I had a great conversation with a friend the other day. He’s "got it all together" at least from my perspective. He’s got a job that pays him really, really well. He’s got a 5 year plan and a retirement deal he’s paying in to, I’m sure. He’s got a really nice house that he keeps immaculate and a couple of brand new cars that he recently paid cash for. He and his wife are expecting their 1st child here in a couple of months and he’s nervously excited. It appears from my perspective that he’s got nothing to worry about. We went on a long walk in his neighborhood and talked about our lives and our talk probably shouldn’t have but it kind of shocked me. I began to share my concerns with him as I looked at my life and really didn’t have any "plans". I sheepishly shared my uncertainty about the future. I mean, I am not lazy but I don’t have any idea what I am gonna do about retirement, really don’t have much $$$ put away for emergencies. As a man, somehow, it has been instilled in me that I should care more about these things than I do. I shared with him that this possibly bothered me and he shared an eye opening statement with me. He said "at least you are living your dream, that’s priceless". He went on to talk about how he admired me for simply living my dream I got the sense that he would do that too, if he could. He said at least "you’re working for yourself, I am working so someone else can make lots of $$$." It appears that after speaking with him there’s a trade off for living your dream I suppose. I may never have a lot of $$$ in the bank, but then again I might. I might never own a home or be able to buy a new car or a retirement plan but I have a dream in my heart that I would not trade all of that for. Now, it would be nice to have both scenarios but in my present circumstances I have everything that I could ever need and many of the "wants" too! As I write this I feel "richer" already. I have to admit, I am in awe of my friends ability to dig in and work hard so he can provide for his family above and beyond the "call of duty". He is amazing guy but his encouragement made me want to hold tight to my dreams and not look back anymore. This is the path that God has put in my heart and He has been faithful to provide ALL of my needs. So I pray from this moment on I would not look back, not second guess and be content even overjoyed with the "wealth of a dream" that God breathed into me and has empowered me to live out. God forgive me for worrying and second guessing and wishing for something other than what you’ve given me cuz I know that worry will not add a minute to my life. Thank U Jesus, AMEN, YES!

Shooting for the moon?

Ok, so a new year is here! It’s 2009 and many people are making New Years resolutions. I don’t really have any "new years resolutions" per say but I have some goals I’d like to see accomplished in 2009. Of course these are all subject to change and I don’t want anything that The Lord doesn’t want for me. Nevertheless these are things in me that I am putting down as "goals" for 2009. I always heard that if U "aim for nothing, u will hit it every time". I have found that to be true in my own life. So take these for what they are worth and if U know me, ask me how they are going, share your own goals and if U dare, hold me accountable! I guess I have to separate them into 3 categories. Personal, Professional and Spiritual! They all kind of go together but somehow in my mind I’ve gotta write them down and separate them...more to come as I think of ‘em!

Personal Goals:
-spend more time hanging with my wife and friends(outside of music)
-drink more water(sounds like a good thing to do)
-eat CONSISTENTLY better(consistency is the key)
-continue working out (but not getting mad at myself when I can’t)
-run ½ marathon
-read(or listen to) 12 books. (1 per month sounds reasonable)
-write 3-5 songs a month( knowing that u can’t force creativity.)
-learn a new sport ( maybe swimming or raquetball)
-learn to enjoy "the little things"
-remember the glass is half full
-get a tattoo
-get more sleep
-not to obsess when I don’t meet my own expectations
-clean up my mouth

Professional:
-finish recording my project with Jesse Jones by March 31st
-collaborate and work on a new "Hip-Hop" worship project
-begin working on next DWB album
-learn to play drums and piano(better)
-learn to sequence
-open for a major artist on a major tour(Lincoln Brewster maybe?)
-learn more about "Leading Worship"

Spirtual:
-spend more time in prayer(as I am led)
-spend more time in the physical "Word"
-listen to or watch 3-5 podcasts per week of my favorite preachers/speakers
-learn to "Be Still" more
-learn to serve better(Water Angels, Karm, Ect.)
-learn to Love better(give and expect nothing)
-forgive myself and others(make amends where possible)
-TRUST God with financial matters

2190 Days Ago...

2190 Days ago my life was changed forever. It was November 13th of 2002 I had just gotten off a bus from New York City. See, I ended up in New York trying to change my surroundings. I thought that if i just got into a new city, especially a big one like New York, that "trouble" would be hard to find. It wasn't the 1st time I had tried to movearound to run from my troubles, but little did I know it would be my last. I guess I need 2 give u a little back story to help you understand just how drastically different my life is now that from just a few short years ago. I was an awkward teenage kid. I was short, didn't have much luck with the ladies and just had different tastes than most other kids my age. I hid it pretty well but I was probably the most insecure kid you have ever met. I lost my father when I was 7 years old and maybe that had something to do with it but the point of this is not to make excuses. Like most teenagers I was in search of my identity. I had constantly changing tastes in music and the things I liked most other kids didn't...it made me feel awkward. I would do anything for attention. I was a class clown of sorts. I really wasuncomfortable socially and felt the easiest way to be accepted was to make people laugh.I found out pretty quickly through hangin' with some older friends that alcohol really made social situations a little easier...alot easier for me. When I was drinkin' there was a whole new side of me that surfaced. It was a more confident and likeable, fun and seemingly secure kind of guy. Fast forward a few years. I'm at the University Of Tennessee taking classes at partying or maybe it was the other way around but I wascoming into what I thought was my identity finally. I had it all figured out..sorta.I had begun playing guitar in college and it became another social tool for me. If I was playing guitar, I was comfortable. After I had been playing a couple of years I was askedto form a band with some folks I met at the University of Tennessee. It was awesome.We were having the time of our lives. We were playing in front of everwidening audiencesand it seemed like the road to success and my identity had finally been carved out forme. Enter Cocaine.
The 1st time I ever tried cocaine, I was hooked. It made me feel on top of the world, itmade me feel invincible. I was talkative, confident and then 20 mins later, it wore off.I searched for years and years and went through many types of drugs to try to achieve that same feeling again but never foundit. At age 25 the Cocaine I thought I had, had me. I was a daily user and it allowed me to drink 10x as much alcohol as I had ever drank. It was awesome except, I coudn't quit, I couldn't pay for it and it was destroying my life and the peoples lives I came into contact with. The Bible says it like this..."the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy" and that's exactly what happened to me. After a few years of ending up in rehabs, detoxes and metal instituions I was at my very end. I wanted to die...even tried to a few times. I had lost everything I ever owned, destroyed any relationship to me that was important and I was so addicted to cocaine and alcohol that my life revolved around trying to get my next hit or drink. This was not how I envisioned my life turning out at 27.
I had few friends at the time who would still put up with me to some degree. One friend, Robby and his parents found me a place in the Knoxville Area Rescue Ministries men's recovery program. 2 days prior to that Robby invited me to come hear a motivational speaker at his church named Ken Freeman. I wasn't to keen on the ideaof church or God or Jesus or any of that. Quite the opposite. I had arrived at the conclusion that IF there even was a God that he was one screwed up dude who had me in some sort of sick cosmic game that He was resposible for. But Ken Freeman shared something I had never heard that night, at least not like this. He shared that God loved me and sent his son Jesus to die for me. He shared that a personal relationship with God could change my life as it had changed his. Our stories were eerily similar and Iwas sure Robby had set me up and told the speaker all my problems but it wasn't the case. Ken shared that God loved me enough to change me and that I didn't have to"get good" in order to have a relationship with him. I knew that my life was a wreck and I knew change would be a good thing. I was tired of doing things my way becausedoing things my way had led me to this point of desperation, hopelessness and miserythat i can't even begin to describe. I felt somehow as he spoke that maybe I had gone too far to even qualify for this relationship with God b/c I had done some pretty screwed up stuff...not the case. I was sitting on the back row of that church homeless, desperate, withdrawing from drugs and alcohol and God saved me. He didn'twait til I got cleaned up and had some sobriety behind me, he did it right then and there.The Bible says it like this.."that while we were STILL sinners, Christ died for us." That night changed my life forever. It was November 13, 2002. I'd like to tell you that all at once i changed and "got better" but it's been a process for me. I haven't had anything to drink or drugs since then but I found out once I got sober I had a whole lot more problems that drinking and using. God has done an incredible work in changing me though. Some people might think that what I am talking about is behavioral modification but it's more than that. God is "renewing mymind" he's changing the way I think and thus the way I act. I am a far way from perfect.I still stumble all the time. God is good though, he forgives me, says "let's get back up and keep going!" He's restoring relationships that were seemingly beyond repair. He has blessed me with more than I could ever have asked or imagined. I guess it's happened "one day at a time" as we say in recovery but I don't think of it like that. I am not a prisoner to the obsession of drinking and using anymore. "Whom the son sets free is free indeed."
If there is one thing that I would love for you to take from all this rambling, it this. God doesn't need u 2 "clean up your act" in order to have a relationship with him. He will take care of all the messy work. All you have to do is come as you are..addictions, habits,hangups, lies, confusion, ect..come as you are. He has taken my life, one filled with all of these things and THEN some, and turned it into the abundant life he promised in his word. He was a perfect gentlemen and never forced himself into my life. He gave me 27 miserable years to show me that my way wouldn't work. 6 years later I have seen1st hand that his way works so much better. Don't believe me? Try it for yourself!