2190 Days Ago...

2190 Days ago my life was changed forever. It was November 13th of 2002 I had just gotten off a bus from New York City. See, I ended up in New York trying to change my surroundings. I thought that if i just got into a new city, especially a big one like New York, that "trouble" would be hard to find. It wasn't the 1st time I had tried to movearound to run from my troubles, but little did I know it would be my last. I guess I need 2 give u a little back story to help you understand just how drastically different my life is now that from just a few short years ago. I was an awkward teenage kid. I was short, didn't have much luck with the ladies and just had different tastes than most other kids my age. I hid it pretty well but I was probably the most insecure kid you have ever met. I lost my father when I was 7 years old and maybe that had something to do with it but the point of this is not to make excuses. Like most teenagers I was in search of my identity. I had constantly changing tastes in music and the things I liked most other kids didn't...it made me feel awkward. I would do anything for attention. I was a class clown of sorts. I really wasuncomfortable socially and felt the easiest way to be accepted was to make people laugh.I found out pretty quickly through hangin' with some older friends that alcohol really made social situations a little easier...alot easier for me. When I was drinkin' there was a whole new side of me that surfaced. It was a more confident and likeable, fun and seemingly secure kind of guy. Fast forward a few years. I'm at the University Of Tennessee taking classes at partying or maybe it was the other way around but I wascoming into what I thought was my identity finally. I had it all figured out..sorta.I had begun playing guitar in college and it became another social tool for me. If I was playing guitar, I was comfortable. After I had been playing a couple of years I was askedto form a band with some folks I met at the University of Tennessee. It was awesome.We were having the time of our lives. We were playing in front of everwidening audiencesand it seemed like the road to success and my identity had finally been carved out forme. Enter Cocaine.
The 1st time I ever tried cocaine, I was hooked. It made me feel on top of the world, itmade me feel invincible. I was talkative, confident and then 20 mins later, it wore off.I searched for years and years and went through many types of drugs to try to achieve that same feeling again but never foundit. At age 25 the Cocaine I thought I had, had me. I was a daily user and it allowed me to drink 10x as much alcohol as I had ever drank. It was awesome except, I coudn't quit, I couldn't pay for it and it was destroying my life and the peoples lives I came into contact with. The Bible says it like this..."the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy" and that's exactly what happened to me. After a few years of ending up in rehabs, detoxes and metal instituions I was at my very end. I wanted to die...even tried to a few times. I had lost everything I ever owned, destroyed any relationship to me that was important and I was so addicted to cocaine and alcohol that my life revolved around trying to get my next hit or drink. This was not how I envisioned my life turning out at 27.
I had few friends at the time who would still put up with me to some degree. One friend, Robby and his parents found me a place in the Knoxville Area Rescue Ministries men's recovery program. 2 days prior to that Robby invited me to come hear a motivational speaker at his church named Ken Freeman. I wasn't to keen on the ideaof church or God or Jesus or any of that. Quite the opposite. I had arrived at the conclusion that IF there even was a God that he was one screwed up dude who had me in some sort of sick cosmic game that He was resposible for. But Ken Freeman shared something I had never heard that night, at least not like this. He shared that God loved me and sent his son Jesus to die for me. He shared that a personal relationship with God could change my life as it had changed his. Our stories were eerily similar and Iwas sure Robby had set me up and told the speaker all my problems but it wasn't the case. Ken shared that God loved me enough to change me and that I didn't have to"get good" in order to have a relationship with him. I knew that my life was a wreck and I knew change would be a good thing. I was tired of doing things my way becausedoing things my way had led me to this point of desperation, hopelessness and miserythat i can't even begin to describe. I felt somehow as he spoke that maybe I had gone too far to even qualify for this relationship with God b/c I had done some pretty screwed up stuff...not the case. I was sitting on the back row of that church homeless, desperate, withdrawing from drugs and alcohol and God saved me. He didn'twait til I got cleaned up and had some sobriety behind me, he did it right then and there.The Bible says it like this.."that while we were STILL sinners, Christ died for us." That night changed my life forever. It was November 13, 2002. I'd like to tell you that all at once i changed and "got better" but it's been a process for me. I haven't had anything to drink or drugs since then but I found out once I got sober I had a whole lot more problems that drinking and using. God has done an incredible work in changing me though. Some people might think that what I am talking about is behavioral modification but it's more than that. God is "renewing mymind" he's changing the way I think and thus the way I act. I am a far way from perfect.I still stumble all the time. God is good though, he forgives me, says "let's get back up and keep going!" He's restoring relationships that were seemingly beyond repair. He has blessed me with more than I could ever have asked or imagined. I guess it's happened "one day at a time" as we say in recovery but I don't think of it like that. I am not a prisoner to the obsession of drinking and using anymore. "Whom the son sets free is free indeed."
If there is one thing that I would love for you to take from all this rambling, it this. God doesn't need u 2 "clean up your act" in order to have a relationship with him. He will take care of all the messy work. All you have to do is come as you are..addictions, habits,hangups, lies, confusion, ect..come as you are. He has taken my life, one filled with all of these things and THEN some, and turned it into the abundant life he promised in his word. He was a perfect gentlemen and never forced himself into my life. He gave me 27 miserable years to show me that my way wouldn't work. 6 years later I have seen1st hand that his way works so much better. Don't believe me? Try it for yourself!

Dios Mio

even as I sit down to write this blog I am truly humbled. God has done it again. He's messed me up..but I mean in a good way. I had the privledge of seeing my wifeget baptized this past week and my gosh was it incredible. I have seen an amazing amount of spiritual growth in her of the past few months...which is what she would tellyou about herself. Anyway, the spirit of God fell on that church during her baptism and it was one of the most intense spiritual experiences I have ever had...I'm still sayingto myself, "What actually happened?" I don't think I could explain it natural terms. A mind-numbing peace followed by tears, Holy Spirit tears...the big hot kind that won't seem 2 stop.
Ok, I say all that 2 tell u I was on a "spiritual high." I was feeling real good about how in touch with God I was or thought I was and then entered Moses...not the Biblical Moses but more on that later. I have been in the middle of having my house renovated. The foundation was cracking and sinking into the ground...note to the people who built my house,"never build your house on sediment..or sand" but enough of my preaching! Anyonewho has ever done the smallest amount of remodeling knows it always takes longerthan what you originally projected it would take and it costs more $$$ than U thought itwould. All this adds up to extra stress. We were fortunate in that we had a placeto stay FOR FREE the entire time this renovation was going on...my wife's parents! Theywere very accomodating but when you're not at your own home it's just never quite as easy 2 relax.
Well, after shimming the house with the help of my good buddy Zack and re-pouring the concrete to make the floors even we had to wait a couple of weeks to put in the carpet...I thought all this was gonna take place in 1 weekend..boy was I wrong.A couple of weeks went buy as we tried 2 find the best deal on carpet and we finally foundthe right one. That took another week for it to come in and the day had finally arrived forthe installers to come and put the carpet. The store made us feel at ease confirming thatthe installers would be arriving at our house somewhere between 10-1 on a Monday as I recall.
Well, Monday at 10am arrives..nothing. No phone calls, no carpet guys...whathappened? So I call the guy where I bought the carpet and he assures me everything isalright and that the installers just got started a little late but that they were on their way AAAAARRRRGGGHHH..this is not what I wanted to hear on a Monday. I was looking forward to getting back into my house and getting to sleep in my own bed after 3 weeksbut it looked as if today that wasn't gonna happen.About 10:50 I get a call from an un-identified number. I pick up and say "Hello" and on theother end is someone who speaks NO ENGLISH...well, very little anyway. The voice on the other end of the phone is someone slurring spanish and english together and all I could make out was "you house"and "very confusing"..at least I think that's what they said .Now, to their credit..if u have never been to my house before it can be confusing. It is definately in the country. It's the kind of house you really don't wanna ask mapquest how to get here cuz it will mess u up. Ok, now I am extremely frustrated. Not only is the carpet installer late, he is only 1 guy AND he's lost...and he can't even ask me or understand how 2 get here...ahhhh, dios mio.After about 10 minutes of me trying 2 explain(at ever increasing volumes) how to get tomy house I could see it was going nowhere. I talked louder and slower but he still didn'tget it. So I tried 2 see if he knew where Wal Mart was...cuz everyone knows where Wal Martis, right? I said "GO TO WAL MART", "I WILL MEET YOU THERE"...I have a black car..I said"UN COCHE NEGRO"..he snickered and I think he said "WHITE VAN". So best I could tellat this point the guy was gonna meet me at Wal Mart about 10 mins from my house andhe was gonna be in a white van.
I get in the car and needless to say this added to the stress I already had...this was not part of my plan. I called my wife and told her about the whole ordeal and she seemed to sympathize but I told her was gonna callthe place where we bought the carpet and give them a piece of my mind...I was gonna tell them how to run a good business. I got off the the phone and God spoke to my heartI realized that just because I knew the English language didn't give me the right to be frustratedwith someone who didn't. I think this is what we do as Christians some time. Just because we get it(only because God revealed it to is) that we think we can make other people get it.That the louder we talk and the more fancy words we use the better people will "get it".Not the case according to Moses(the carpet guy). No matter how loudly I spoke to him he wasn't gonna find my house, no matter how frustrated I got..it didn't help..so what happened..God showed me we must meet people where they are. I found some common ground with Moses. I met him at Wal Mart...why Wal Mart? Cuz it was some place hewas familiar with and could easily get there. Moses and I didn't talk much(cuz I knewit was pointless) but I just said "Follow Me"and he said "ok"!
All that yelling and and stress just to find some common ground. Well Moses turned out to be an incredible carpet guy and despite the language barrier we shared a few laughs..mostly him laughing at my Spanish I think..nevertheless...God showed me some important lessons that day that I hope I never forget...1.)Louder is not necessarily better 2.)Meet people where they are. Forgive me Lord for thinking I ever "got it"!....oh and maybe a 3rd lesson would be..don't always trust mapquest!

God Speaks Thru a Kitty Cat

ok, i know what u are probably thinkin' if u are reading this and while it may be true that I am a little off my rocker, I've heard God speak yet again! Not thru a Bible Verse,although I've since been pointed to a relevant verse, not from a preacher or a hymn or oneof those fancy new worship choruses but simply thru a kitty cat. First let me give u some background. I am definately NOT a cat person. They seem kind of snobbish and it's always as if they are up to no good. They don't listen, they sleep ALL the time and they have razor sharp claws and tiger-like teeth...(did i mention they bury their own poop)?But "Skitty" is different. First of all my wife is deathly allergic 2 cats...she's not at all allergic 2 "Skitty" as she calls her. Could she be some wierd hypo-allergenic brand of cat,I don't know but she doesn't shed as much as a normal cat.

"Skitty" wandered up on our porch as a little wet kitten about April of this last year. She had been seperated from her mama kitty and was all alone and lost. She still had the little blue kitten eyes and was just an itty-bitty thing. I have to say I didn't warm up to theidea of having a cat very well. Past experience had taught me not feed the little stray animals and most certainly don't let them into your heart. Well, after a few weeks, I fell head over heels for this little kitten. We fed her and let her in the house occasionally and she was the most amazing little creature. She kept us in stitches running around and doin' all the stuff that kittens do. It took her a while to warm up to us to. At first, we would haveto leave food out on the porch and she would come and eat when she thought no-one was watching. We would open the door and try 2 let her in but she always scurried away. One day we opened the door and she crept on in the house, very cautiously at first, and she gradually got more and more comfortable around us. It's gotten to the point where now when she comes in she almost begs for attention.

We don't intend to keep her as an inside cat though. We both feel that she'd lose her cat instincts and just lay around all day. She was born outside and she needs 2 know that she has the option of going back out if she so desires. Here's where God spoke thru "Skitty"I was petting her one day and we had one of those petting marathons, my wife and I call them "love-fests" Skitty gets all up in your business and rubs noses with ya and slobbers all over U, it rocks! (All the while she purrs like a little motorboat.) Anyway, after the "love-fest" was over she walked over to the door like she wanted out. I was not gonna holdher against her will so I opened the door to let her out. She just looked up at me with the sweetest little kitty cat eyes as if to say "na, i think I'll stay in here with you". So i closed the door and went to sit back down. "Skitty" ran over to me and jumped in my lap andwe started round 2 of the "love-fest". At that point God spoke to me and said "see Davis U are like that little kitten, u have the choice to do whatever U want to do. U don't have tospend time with Me but I sure do love it when you do, especially knowing U chose to spendtime with me when u could've been elsewhere." God showed me how much of a gentlemanHe is. He would never force himself on me. He keeps the door open and gives me the choice/chance to spend time with him and He LOVES it when I do and He loves it when you do. When was the last time u had a "love-fest" with God?

BTW/ if u are wondering, the cat never actually spoke with the audible voice of God butwouldn' that be cool? One of his many names is "The Lion of Judah"
Psalm 19
1 The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
3 There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.
4 Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.

A Familiar Voice

so there I sat on a runway in Charlotte ,Nc. I was on my way back from Naples, Fl. and this was my connecting flight to Knoxville. It was a rather late flight, scheduled to leave Charlotte around 10:30pm. It had been a week of exhausting divine appointmentsbut the last thing I was expecting was one last "interruption". Once on board I foundmy way to seat 6C, an aisle seat and noticed no one was in the window seat. I thought I might have been the last to board the plane so I settled into my seat, fastened by seatbelt, stowed away my back pack and pulled out my trusty ipod. I was securely in placeand scanning thru my playlists when along came a gentleman whose seat was the unclaimed window seat right beside me. The man seemed a bit flustered and pointedto the seat beside me as if to say "i'm supposed to be there". I politely unbuckled my seatbelt, stood up and allowed the man to get into his seat. He stowed hisbriefcase underneath the seat in front of him and made a gesture out the window.I took out my earphones and began to make small talk. He pointed again out the window of this small aircraft at a lonely bag that sat on the runway. He said "i bet they forgetto put my bag in the plane" with a slight smirk. Trying 2 practice my new found sense ofoptimism I said "maybe they won't", I noticed it was starting to rain as drops collected on the window of the plane. As the airplane was being wheeled around to get in positionto take off we exchanged light conversation about heading to knoxville. I asked him where he'd been and he told me he'd been away on business in New Hampshire or somewhere like that. Then I told him I'd been in Naples on "business" too. He then said"You might think I'm crazy but your voice sounds familiar, are you the guy from Dishwater Blonde?" I kind of laughed and said "yep, that's me". He said "I never would have known it was you just by looking at you". I laughed for a few reasonslike how in the world could this guy have ever known who Dishwater Blonde is...butI'll get into that more later. He went on to tell me he'd recently bought our latest CD and how much he liked it. He said that he and his wife were big fans and supportersof local music and that they had seen us a few times. WOW, at this point I am blown away. All the while the plane is taxiing on the runway and then a voice comes over theloudspeaker.."Ladies and Gentlemen, we're sorry but due to extreme weather conditionswe can't take off at this time"...

This was obviously annoying to a large majority of the passengers as they mumbled and groaned amongst one another. I have to admit I was feeling a bit inconvenienced myself but I thought at once that there must be a reason why this was happening. After my last week of divine interruptions in Naples I was not going to write this off a merelycoincidence. The longer we talked the more convinced I became of this as he began to open up and tell me a large part of his life story. He spoke, unsolicted, about his growing up and the pain he'd experienced as a child and as a young man whose fatherhad never been around, this was a pain I had known all to well. Eventually the conversation turned to religion, spirituality and God. With every break in the conversation I just closed my eyes and prayed to God, "what am I supposed to say?" I didn't get some lightning bolt so I just listened and responded appropriately. All the while there was an occasional interruption by the pilot stating simply we didn't know whenthey were gonna be able 2 take off. The gentleman continued on about his passion for animal rights. He volunteers for a local animal shelter in what he called "behind the scenes" work. God showed me how what He's called me to do is very similar but for "human rights" of course.

Finally after much delay the plane started taking off. We talked for the next 45 minsof the flight. When we landed around 1:30 am I thanked him for the conversation and told him I thought he made the delay worth while. I extended him an invitation for a cupof coffee or dinner. I hope he takes me up on it but whatever the case God spoke to me that night. I never felt like the point was for me to share "the roman road" with him. I do believe, however, that the God's love and transforming power was something he was not unfamiliar with, i just hopefully re-enforced it. What God DID show me upon reflection was best stated in a verse from John 10.
"The man who enters by the gate is the shepard of his sheep. The watchman opensthe gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of him, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger,in fact they will run away from him because they do not recognize the strangers voice"

Here's where I tie all this stuff together. Now, I struggle from time to time with hearing what I believe to be God's voice. The thing that God showed me was simply this...If I want to know God's voice I need 2 be familiar with His word. In the same way that this gentleman on the plane knew my voice b/c he'd recently bought my latest album, I too need 2 be familiar with "God's Greatest Hits" or his word if I want to seperate his voice from all of the other noise around me. My wife and I pray everyday for God to draw us to hisword and with my crazy schedule it's so easy for me to not make time for that..but God is good, he took a delayed flight and used it to speak to my heart. Thank U Lord fordelaying that plane!

stepping out on faith

a couple of months ago I stepped out on faith to pursue music and ministry full time. I am learning to trust God. I worked hard as a custodian for about 4 1/2 years at a church. It brought me a steady income and it was hard for me to let go of something that was so sure. I knew every 2 weeks I would receive a paycheck and I knew that as long as I wanted it, the job was mine.Mind you, it was no glamourous high paying job but it was a sure thing and in todays world it seemed crazy 2 give something like that up. BUT GOD kept nudging me and giving me little hints that I was supposed to be elsewhere. Mostly it was just the unsatisfied feeling I had when I thought about even going to work. I wasn't miserable but I wasn't happy. I knew there was something else I was supposed to do.

I struggled back and forth whether to turn in my notice and just make a move to do the one thing I've dreamed of, the one thing I feel I've been "called" to do. As i stuggled with this decision, every doubt u could imagine flooded my head. "Will I make enough $$", "What will happen if.."? The list goes on and on. In any event the day finally came and I went to my boss's office and I did it. I turned in my notice and a peace that I can't even describe overwhelmed me when I left his office. Over the next few days although doubts came to mind God's perfect peace remained and I became more and more confident that I had made the right decision.

That same peace is still with me today. It's going on 3 months now and God has provided. I am not saying I have all the sudden come into a bunch of $$ but I am more at ease and more at peace and that's worth way more than $$$. I get up every morning and I trust God to provide. He has not let me down. If I look to far down the road, I start to freak out a little bit but God always reminds me not to look that far. He reminds me that even when I was homeless he provided for me. He reminds me that the birds of the air don't have a bank account or know where their next meal is coming from but somehow he takes care of them. Now if God takes care of birds I know he'll take care of me. This blog has been started 2 encourge people. Not to act rashly or make life altering decsions like quitting jobs(unless of course that's where God is leading you). It's meant to show u that God will keep his word and in doing so increase yours and my faith. we just have to trust him.

So as we take this journey 2gether let's trust God and just keep walking!